On understanding

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Dr. Deborah King, health and wellness author
Re: Colorado shootings

Dear Dr. King,

Thank you for your Huffington Post column on the recent tragedies in Colorado--namely, the crazy fuck who shot all those people. As one who tends to shun those who would offer their exorbitantly priced health and wellness services, I normally wouldn't have come across your article. My animal fight or flight instincts would have chalked the shootings up to just another fuck with a gun and a head full of crazy. If I hadn't been trolling the Huffington Post for updates on how awful the Bush administration is (update: it's still awful), I never would have experienced your eye-opening words of wisdom.

As you kindly point out, your travels as a health and wellness lecturer have given you a unique look into the hearts and minds of the American people. You've shrewdly observed that the average upper middle class white people who come to your lectures in search of answers to life's overwhelming upper middle class white people problems are, in fact, stressed. Maybe you're right in your hypothesis that the crazy fuck shooter was simply a hormone-ravaged and over-stressed crazy fuck shooter. And can we blame him? After all, how can one be expected to face adolescence with any sort of non-murderous calm in the face of such urban spread? Until you reminded me, I'd forgotten that in the past I could simply take a walk through nature to unwind myself after a long, near-homicidal day of living. But since all forest land was destroyed via executive order and the techno-fascist megalopolis assimilated my local parks, there's nowhere for me to go--much less a young man trapped in the concrete jungle of Colorado.

And I'd almost forgotten about 9/11. You're right--no one feels safe anymore. We all awaken to the paranoid glow of our color-coded terror alarms. We're too busy being patted down by security to feel secure. If only we could enjoy the golden age of safety our parents enjoyed--ducking and covering under their flimsy wooden desks. All they had to worry about was the threat of global thermonuclear annihilation, while we run the risk each day of encountering a swarthy guy with a box cutter.

Thank God you're here to tell us how to stop these hormonally unbalanced, emotionally overloaded crazy fucks from shooting up our churches and schools ever again. I can't wait to take your advice and "unplug from the rat race", "re-connect with my humanity", and "weave a strand of peace" into my day-to-day life. Let's just hope all those crazy fucks out there do the same, or look out!

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman


RESPONSE
From: Dr. Deborah King
To: Laurence Shandy
Re: Colorado shootings

Laurence,

Thanks so much for your comments - really on point!

Best,
Deborah King