On fudging facts

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Marilee Jones, former dean of admissions, MIT
Re: Padding the résumé

Dear Ms. Jones,

International trendsetter Laurence Shandy here. Guess what. I was never the CEO of General Motors. I applied for the job, yes, but I never made it through advanced negotiations. We couldn't come to terms salary-wise. And, really, I didn't need to run GM in order to build an unstoppable mecha-Shandy. In fact, I didn't need a mecha-Shandy at all. What I needed was some mecha-self-esteem.

So the whole GM thing on my résumé? A lie.

I was never food critic for Ladies Home Journal. That was just wishful thinking.

Advisor on youth culture for the Central Intelligence Agency? Not me. I was simply caught up in the anti-Dungeons and Dragons craze, and I thought I could do some undercover work. You know, give something back. But the CIA couldn't have given a bag of holding about my services.

Director of viral marketing for Teen People? Okay, that one's true. Have you ever read Teen People? You should. Teens can be people, too. It's something you should know about.

I guess what I'm trying to say is chin up. We've all been there. Well, maybe not in high-paying administrative positions at the world's foremost scientific research facility. But we all lie to get what we want.

And I want your job. MIT couldn't possibly turn down the former Burmese minister of the interior. Sexy coed nanotechnology majors, here I come!

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman