On moving on

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Stephane Udry, Geneva Observatory
Re: New Planet

Dear Mr. Udry,

International literary superstar Laurence Shandy here. I have recently read of your team's discovery, a potentially Earth-like planet some 21 light years away from terra firma. Kudos. I myself felt the tug of the sciences in my formative years. The thrill of discovery. The tragedy of betrayal. The fevered tap-tapping at the typewriter as another grant proposal is crafted. High drama! Yes, the highest highs and lowest lows of a life devoted to science held the utmost appeal for me. That is, of course, until I discovered the highs and lows of Aunti Emma. Black hash. The big O.
There's nothing like reclining on a downy knoll at dusk and counting the stars as they flash into being, especially when you've just rolled an A-bomb and are having your dignity tongue-washed by a fourth-year Freshman coed with abandonment issues.
Suffice it to say, I became sidetracked from the path of Galileo.

Still, I'm savvy enough in the scientific method to understand your endgame. Why look for another place to live unless you plan to relocate, am I right? Chances are, you and your Swiss cohorts have packed up your utility knives, synchronized your watches, and are already making space on your sleeper ships for the trek to Earth 2.0. While the Al Gores and Ed Begley, Jr.'s of the world piss and whine about carbon footprints and toilet paper consumption, you shady bankers and military apathists are heading out for lands bathed in the crimson light of a low-mass red dwarf.
Well played.

I ask only that you accommodate one more. Sure, your country has proven itself in the fields of cheese making, hot cocoa brewing, and blond, nubile hot cocoa brewer birthing. But where is your international literary superstar?

Well, let me introduce myself.

Laurence Shandy at your service.

Think about it.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman