On truth in advertising

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Harmony Brands, LLC
CC: Angie Lau, NewsChannel5 investigative reporter
Re: SaniDoo hand sanitizers

Dear Harmony Brands,

So, here's the good news. Thanks to Akron, Ohio's NewsChannel5 being on my side and the hard-hitting investigative journalism of sexy Ms. Angie Lau, I now know that your SaniDoo brand hand sanitizers are about as effective as washing my hands in a cocktail of Mickey Rourke's semen and Andrew Dice Clay's vomit.

The bad news? Last night I cleaned up with a squirt of SaniDoo after washing my hands in a cocktail of Mickey Rourke's semen and Andrew Dice Clay's vomit.

You'll be hearing from my attorneys, Harmony Brands. Christ, my fingers still smell like asparagus.

Thank you, Angie, for exposing these frauds. And I hope my dalliances with M.R. and the Dice Man don't scare you off of a nice night out sometime.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman