On catching predators

Dear readers,

Journalism isn't only about international jet setting and fathering illegitimate children. No, sometimes the journalist must wield his power for the greater good. He must take up the mantle of public protector--investigating those dirty and debased facets of human existence so that the burdens of the average worker may be lessened. By waving a black light over a motel bedspread, the masses will know the comfort that comes with knowledge--the knowledge that they are probably sleeping in a puddle of dried semen.

As such, I have taken it upon myself to scour the dregs of the Internet in search of those who would prey upon our most precious resource. Today, I bring you my real, uncensored chat with an actual child predator from IRC's #Man&Boy4Chat channel. Unfortunately, this predator got away before I could discover his real name, but I think I made my point. For anonymity's sake, I disguised myself as Hrny12yo, a horny 12-year-old.

Warning: This conversation may be too graphic for some readers.

Session Start: Wed Aug 29 11:48:03 2007

Me32top4oy: hi

Hrny12yo: Hello there. Are you an older man?

Me32top4oy: 32 ale from spain. you? asl

Hrny12yo: I'm sorry, do you have a question? Is that a typo or some kind of Interweb slang?

Me32top4oy: age sex place you are

Hrny12yo: Oh, I see. Well, I'm a 12-year-old boy. A horny one, to be precise. And I'm currently chatting with you from my father's home office. Being a weekday afternoon, his office is abandoned. Did you know his chair spins around? It's kind of fun, really. And yourself? What is your age, sex, and location?

Me32top4oy: 32 male spain and my chair spins arround too. what are you into?

Hrny12yo: I'm sorry, I don't speak with Spaniards.

Me32top4oy: what is a spainard?

Hrny12yo: A Spaniard is a swarthy gentleman from the former Islamic territories of southwestern Europe. Also, Spaniards really like ham.

Me32top4oy: Swarthy? former? ham?

Hrny12yo: Indeed, all three.

Me32top4oy: indeed?

Hrny12yo: Look, I don't mean to be racist here, but I've never quite forgiven your people for blowing up the Maine in Havana Harbor. I know some might say it was all a set-up, but I knew McKinley and Hearst, and they were both honorable men.

Me32top4oy: ok. 1 i am in spain but doesn`t mean that i am Spanish. and second that nowlege taht a you had reveal that you don`t have 12yo. i am not into r p so bye

Hrny12yo: What nationality are you then? Are you a pedophilic expat on the run? Were you chased from your home country over your baser inclinations?

Me32top4oy: no just move here because had a great weather and you can live with less money than other places

Hrny12yo: By the way, you're right. I'm not really 12 years old. I am, in fact, international literary icon Laurence Shandy, and I am catching predators. Actually, I'm looking for American predators, as I'm unfamiliar with international age of consent laws.

Me32top4oy has left the chat.

Hrny12yo: Hello? Spaniard? Consider yourself caught!