On warnings

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Dr. Bernd Schierwater, evolutionary biologist, Hanover University of Veterinary Medicine
Re: I told you so

Dear Dr. Schierwater,

Remember what I told you about your twelve-headed jellyfish? The pain and suffering it would cause? Well, look what you've done! Three hundred innocent Florida beach-goers have been brutally stung by your monstrous creation! Read the story, Dr. Schierwater. I'm not making this up. For the love of god, man, the lifeguards ran out of vinegar! Do you know how much vinegar that must have been? Do you know how lucky you are that they had any sting-easing vinegar available at all? A photo of three hundred people pissing on each other in public, while not at all scandalous in your native land, would become a media circus in this great nation. Sooner or later, the press is going to sniff you out. They'll know what I know, Dr. Schierwater, and soon you'll be shackled in the Hague.

There's still time to end this. Track your mutant jellyfish spawn down. Devote your life to finding it, and there's a chance you can make this right.

For all our sakes, Dr. Schierwater, I hope you're man enough to do the right thing and destroy the beast you've made.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman