On quality control

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Marka Hansen, president of Gap Inc.
Re: Child labor

Dear Ms. Hansen,

Well, this is simply disgusting. How can you sleep at night knowing that under your watch the Gap used unpaid child slave labor to produce its garments? I couldn't believe what I had my secretary read to me. Children sold into factory slavery by their parents? Sweatshops overrun with excrement from overflowing toilets? Beatings with rubber pipes; oily rags stuffed in mouths, as simple punishment for a shed tear?

This is the stuff of Thunderdomian nightmares. And I was even more appalled by this news than anyone else. Just last week I purchased a pair of skinny fit Gap jeans (who says anorexia's a disease?) and the blasted things have already started falling apart. Ms. Hansen, if you're using starving 10-year-olds to stitch these garments, shouldn't the public expect a tighter seam? Shouldn't every fiber of this fabric be covered in the durable salt of an Indian preteen's sweat?

If I wanted my clothes to unravel at a moment's notice, I'd buy pants made by paid adults. Lord knows you're not passing down the savings ($40 for a pair of boxers?), but I understand that. As a libertarian, I have faith in a free market system. I'll fight for your right to make a profit, but I won't let you exploit these children if I'm not seeing any results.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, consumer advocate