On leaking Libby

From: Laurence Shandy
To: George W. Bush, president of the United States of America
Re: Scooter

Dear George,

It's two-for-Tuesday margaritas at V.J. Clitfrigger's, so I'll get right to the point. I think you've made an enormous mistake in commuting the sentence of former White House aide Scooter Libby.

I know you think you've made a concession to the Libby haters by refraining from a full pardon. From now on, Mr. Libby will have to check the convicted felon box whenever he fills out a job application. He's a marked man now. An outcast. He will have to learn to live on only his wits, speaking fees, and book advances. Life will never be the same for him thanks to your brand of tough leniency.

You're right to say Libby's punishment didn't fit his crime. In fact, you'd be right if you said he committed no crime at all. He was never on trial for leaking Valerie Plame's name to the press. The case against him hinged on a conversation he had with Tim Russert. The perjury charges stemmed from the fact that Russert and Libby had different recollections of the conversation. Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage has confessed to leaking Plame's name to Bob Novak, whose column outing the undercover C.I.A. agent was already sent for publication when Libby and Russert spoke. Of course you know all this. You're an information junkie. You listen to the paper being read to you cover to cover every morning. And of course Libby doesn't deserve jail time simply for remembering a conversation differently than someone else. Anyone with third-grade critical thinking skills can see that, and you're at least that cunning.

But you have to think of the bigger picture here, George. An incarcerated Libby could have been just the salve needed to heal the wound caused by this war in Iraq. The people are losing confidence in you, George. They wonder why we're overseas policing a civil war, and they want answers. But even more than answers, they want blood. Watching a jumpy YouTube video of Saddam Hussein's botched hanging wasn't enough. Rather than someone to answer why there were so many lies leading up to the war, the people want someone to answer for those lies. Scooter Libby was a gift horse, George, and now you're shining a flashlight down his mouth.

If you let Libby loose, they're just going to go after someone else. They may even decide to hold someone responsible for the war responsible for the war. Can you imagine it, George? It's not too late to change your mind. I'm sure you can find some constitutional justification for it. Call it the Loop-de-Loop Doctrine, for all I care. Just get Libby in an orange jumpsuit. Then the American people can rest easy knowing that justice has been served. Somebody will finally suffer for the crimes of your administration. And when they'll take anybody, somebody will most definitely do. That's what justice is all about.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman