On sex education

From: Laurence Shandy
To: Gov. Mike Huckabee, presidential candidate
Re: Condoms

Dear Huck,

In a recent interview with CNN, you balked at the idea of handing out U.S. taxpayer dollars all willy nilly to buy condoms for AIDS-stricken Africans. After all, as you correctly point out, condoms aren't 100% effective in preventing the transmission of HIV/AIDS, so it's best that we just educate Africans as to that fact and hold off on giving them false hope with a product that only can only prevent the transmission of STDs 97% of the time.

Also, and I think you'll back me up on this, sex just doesn't feel right with a condom. And isn't that really the important issue here. Let's face it, AIDS isn't all that bad in Africa. AIDS drugs there are almost the cheapest in the world--about four dollars. I'm sure they can scrounge up four dollars. And if not, I hear the president of South Africa has discovered an entirely dietary cure for AIDS. How about that? So in addition to telling the Africans that they still have a 3% chance of death even with a condom, don't you think we should also throw in something about how much nicer it is to make love to your wife or a neighbor's unwilling daughter without a latex sheath around your willy? Sex with a condom is like eating with a mosquito net over your mouth.

Kudos on recommending the use of mosquito nets in Africa to prevent malaria, by the way. I don't think anyone can argue with their 92% effectiveness rate at keeping those pesky disease-carriers off our precious skin.

Best wishes,
Laurence Shandy, gentleman